Lonely Dreamer [M] [L]

[Kiku]

The search for Tehodis had lead Kiku to the Dirys. Not that he had been searching all over the place. It was more like an aimless wander around the Nations with the hope of seeing that familiar face. He wouldn't tell anyone that he was searching for a woman if he was asked, but deep down, deeper than Kiku cared to look, that was the truth. He really wanted to see her, but not for the typical reasons of hot kissing and sexual release, but because the look on her face at the New Years' Ball had stuck with him after all this time.

It had been many months since the incident, in which Tehodis saw him with a girl that she didn't know. She seemed to not understand why he would kiss her, and then have another girl around his arm. He never had the chance to tell her that that girl was nothing but a friend. And even when Kiku had wanted to tell her the truth about him, the truth about his split personality, she refused to listen. She ran away, and Kiku never saw her since. He wanted to apologize for the incident, and wanted to let her know that he had feelings for her. Feelings that made him want to be a better person than he had been to this point, feelings that made him feel like he no longer needed Riku. She had that power over him.

While walking around Dirys, he noted that the area seemed to have really improved over the past couple of months. He noticed that the areas looked more refined and how beautiful some of the mines were. But that wasn't really what he wanted at the moment. Alright Tehodis, this is it. The last day that I will look for you, he declared in his head, If I can't find you, then that's it. You're not worth all this effort. I barely even know you... Which was true. They had only known each other a couple of hours before they went for dinner. And then he slept at her house, which makes around two days that Kiku had even known Tehodis.

Kiku had come across a beautiful beach. One of the most beautiful beaches that he had ever seen. The only one comparable would be the one that he had met Nathaniel at. The one in which he had to give the ring to Tristan. Tristan, the guy who was to marry... why is it everything reminds me of Tehodis? he thought to himself as he sat down close to the water. He took off his shoes so he could feel the sand in between his feet. The water rushed over his toes, cleaning them for only a second as they became dirty with sand quickly after. He leaned back, resting on the sand. He made a note that he would have to shower when he came across a place with showering capabilities. He was dirty, and not only in the head.

"Shit," he said out loud, "What has she done to me? I just want to see her again. Her blue eyes, her blue dress, her bl... She must like the color blue... Augh, she's so cute. Why can't I get her out of by head." Kiku had screamed the last word, rather loud. It echoed throughout the beach, only somewhat silenced by the sounds of the waves.

[Tehodis Kitai]

What Kiku did not know, was that Tehodis was in the same place he was at the moment. She wasn’t sitting on the beach allowing her feet to cool off from the heat the day had to bring – though her clothes were. Instead she was cooling off her whole self, and making an attempt at distracting herself from the many things that decorated the past few months of not being engaged to anyone. It had been a very difficult time for her, many challenges had been presented but she had – thus far – been able to resist anything that tried to stand in her way of being an independent and single woman. Despite the New Year’s kiss, despite the attentions Lord Woodrow was doting on her… She had managed to avoid all temptations.

And now she was here, cleansing her body and her mind in the coolness of Diryn water. Swimming in the deeper parts that still managed to be safe from the creatures that plagued the darker depths, though provided her with enough room to stretch her frail form out below the surface without breaking the seal between water and air above her. She allowed herself to merely float for a moment, to be in a place that was not filled with tempting situations and men of all sorts. A place where she was alone and didn’t feel as though she had to worry about propriety. A place where getting married and having children was not the duty she had been instilled with.

Her lungs ached, dragging her from her mindlessness and back into the real world where air was a necessity. Trying to dissuade the lack of air for a moment longer, she felt her skin pinken. In a moment, however, she was pushing herself back up to the surface that seemed farther than it actually was. The moment her head broke the surface she inhaled the air like it was water being given to her, a woman left out in the desert for far too long.

She began her trek towards the shore, deciding that she ought not to stay out in the water for too long. After all, she did not want to take her chances with the many sea monsters she knew plagued Setsuwa. She had been halfway back to the shore when the sparkles and dotted colours dissipated from her bright blue eyes after their quick adjustment from the dark water to the bright and blazing white sun. When they had cleared, she saw someone on the seemingly distant shore that made her freeze in the water and flush brightly. Clearing her throat slightly, she swam a bit closer so that she could stand on the sand with her head and neck (and only her head and neck) above the water and then called out to whomever it was who was out there, “Excuse me!” She waved her hand slightly as she trod water, hoping that she had caught the attention of whomever it was. “Would you mind tossing out my clothes there?” She continued, pointing in the direction where her blue garments were laying in the sand, partially soaked by an incoming tide, “Just the dress would be fine.”

If only she knew who she was talking to. Of course, she had attempted to block out that vibrant red head of hair. If she had known who it was that was sitting on the beach she would have ducked her head back under the surface and held her breath until her lungs exploded. Alas, she didn't have such an option.

[Kiku]

At the time, Kiku didn't know what he would've called the best part about the beach that day. The sand was soft, feeling almost as if he was floating on air. The water was cool on his feet, but not so cold that his body had goosebumps; it was the perfect temperature. The sky was cloudless and blue, just like Tehodis. In fact, the beach was so perfect that it almost made him forget about Tehodis, that is, until he thought about how much it made him forget her, at which time he would remember her. How the beautiful blue sky reminded him of her even more beautiful blue eyes, and how the cool, but not cold feel of the water is similar to the not too warm touch of her hands upon his face, and how the soft feel of the sand is similar to the softness of her lips...

I fucking hate the beach.

At that moment, Kiku heard something. Or someone. He heard someone scream, but not the type of distressed scream that you would hear from a woman locked away in a high tower or one being eaten by a wolf, but the scream of a girl who was calling. Calling out to Kiku from somewhere. He was a little annoyed (however, somewhat relieved) to be broken from his thoughts of Tehodis and her beauty. He sat up at first, shaking the sand from his hair, and then he stood, dusting himself off. He looked up to see where the scream had come from. He was at first unable to see anyone or anything, that is until she spoke again.

She asked for her clothes, and said that just the dress would be fine. Shockingly, Kiku's first instinct had nothing to do with seeing her naked or thoughts of nailing the girl, it was just to give her her clothes. He didn't know why he thought, or didn't think of that. He just knew that that was what he wanted to do. He wanted the get a girl dressed. For some reason, the girl's voice seemed familiar. He couldn't tell where he'd heard it, but he had a feeling that it was almost important that he remembered it.

Was it the girl at the Waterfall? Kiku thought to himself, as he looked to his right and saw the clothes, making his way over to them. "No problem!" he shouted in response. Maybe. But it didn't sound like her at all, and my gut is telling me it isn't. Perhaps it was the girl from the caves? No, she wouldn't do something like swim naked. She'd probably just stay dirty. That girl who was on the run from Tristan? Kiku got to the dress and picked it up, noting that it was damp. He waved the sand from off of it and prepared to throw it into the water. Couldn't be her, it's too long for her.

Looking up as he was about to throw the dress, the obvious hit him. Tehodis! he concluded. It must be her. He scanned the waterways and sure enough, he saw a girl who matched Tehodis. She was in the water, naked, waiting for Kiku to give her her clothes. Had she known it was Kiku she was talking to? If so, was she really asking for her clothes? Or maybe she wanted to get her freak on in the water. Wait a minute Kiku. Don't be an idiot. This is Tehodis we're talking about. She wouldn't do that with you in the water, if at all. She's too sensible[/i] Riku told Kiku in his head. As much as he didn't want to, he had to disregard that idea because Riku was right. And, Kiku continued from where Riku left off, the last time we saw each other didn't exactly go too well, so I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to be getting it on with me right now. It's probably safer to assume that she doesn't know it's me. Which might be bad. I don't know what to do. What if she doesn't even want to see me, and if... when she figures out it's me, what if she runs away or something. It was obvious to Riku that Kiku actually cared for this girl, though he couldn't fathom why. Riku could feel Kiku's thoughts caroming[/i][/u] off of one another, and for once, both Kiku and Riku were at a complete loss. It seemed like a lose-lose situation, but one that Kiku needed to press on with. He needed to talk with her, to fix things.

"Tehodis!" he called back, weakly. He wasn't sure it was the best move, but it's just what happened. His body sort of did it on his own. "It's me, Kikuriku Gouken! Do you remember me?" he asked. At that point, he remembered that she probably would talk to him naked, so he took her dress and threw it out into the water as close to her as he could get it. It landed right in front of her.

The only thing that Kiku could think to himself at this point was to do his best and apologize a lot. She was probably still hurt from seeing him with that girl at the new years ball. However, the first thing that he had to do was to get her to sit down and talk with him. That would be all he needed. It would give these many months of searching for her reason and purpose. Then again, he did very much so hope it was Tehodis. It wasn't completely unfathomable to suggest that there were other brown haired blue dress loving folk in all of Setsuwa. In fact, it was more likely that it wasn't Tehodis.

Fuck, Kiku thought to himself, maybe I should've just changed my hair color and seen if it was her first. But then she might've thought I was trying to trick her or something. Fuck fuck fuck, was this the best course of action? Is it even her? Shit, thank god I'm already kind of wet, because if I wet myself in front of her, oh God that would be embarassing. What??!! You still wet the bed? Riku exclaimed. Shut up Riku, it was a joke. A joke to myself to calm down. And you would know if I did, you're just another part of me. You would know what goes on when I sleep. Not really, Kiku. I tune out whenever you're asleep or in the bedroom. I don't really want to know what you do in there by yourself. God, I hate you.

Moment of truth for Kiku. Time to find out what exactly Tehodis' next move was.

[Tehodis Kitai]

Tehodis’ skin was as flushed as if the man or boy she saw out on the beach was right next to her, and none of that helped when he stood up and his hair colour made her think of Kiku. She quickly shut her eyes tight, as if trying to block the memory by not seeing the bright red hair that had become so characteristic of Kiku and only Kiku in her mind. This is the reason I’ve stopped with men, she thought, trying to bring in these sorts of things to block out the images that ran rampant within her rebellious brain.

Then she heard her name, and her eyes slowly opened, cheeks flushing more brightly. This person knew who she was? She was naked, and this person – whoever they were – knew who she was? Oh dear. Tehodis felt as though she would, quite literally, die of embarrassment. Then he confirmed her thoughts of Kiku, turning out to be the same man (or, boy as the case would more accurately be) that she feared it might be. Why does my luck have to be this horrid? Why could it not be some nice lady who would throw my clothes and be done with me? A normal person. Even my brother would have been better than this. I don’t want to confront this right now. I can’t confront this right now.

Tehodis didn’t want to think about Kiku because of everything he had done so far. He had this incredible knack for saving her whenever they met – The wedding, that demon, and then the other wedding – and she didn’t want to be saved from her solitude. Not now. Maybe… In a while. She didn’t know when exactly she would not mind being saved, but for now she wanted to be herself. Be alone. Get a job and see what working would be like.

She was thankful for the fact that Kiku, at least, was gentlemanly enough to throw her new dress in. When she looked at it before her in the water she thought about how small this new one was and - despite the fact she was wearing it that way to make walking around a lot easier – it seemed silly at this point because she was probably going to have to walk out of the water in it, and hardly went past her upper thigh. And at the top it did not even begin until her shoulders dipped down. What was I thinking? She groaned and tried to dip down into the water as if to escape the surface. She slipped into the dress easily, the fabric loose until the magic it was imbued with clung to her body to keep it positioned correctly. She would have stayed below the surface, but the pressure in her lungs had her reached up to the surface again, face now flushed with not only embarrassment but with a lack of breathable air as well.

She considered at that moment, staying in the water while she and Kiku conversed. Staying in until her left… It seemed like a very good idea. At that time she realized, however, that the treading water for as long as she had been, and swimming for as long as she did before she began the bicycle motion… She needed out. Swallowing nervously, she swam forward until her feet found footing (she wished it was a slow slope, but it was instead a penetrating underwater hill) and then she stood nervously, her hips and below them still submerged.

“Hi Kiku,” She managed to say, smiling awkwardly as she wished she would dry off faster. If she had her staff- which lay within her pile of clothes – she would likely have no problem casting a drying spell, but without it she was stuck dripping wet, looking longingly at the leggings she wore and at the staff she was so dependant on. “So, uh…” She circled her wrist with the opposite hand and rung it absently, “What brings you to the beach?”

[Kiku]

Holy fucking monkey nuts it's her! was all Kiku could think at the moment when she came out of the water in a different dress tan what he had ever seen her. The worst part about it being her, Kiku found, was that she looked even better than she used to. Maybe it was because she was wet, or maybe it was just that he had truly forgotten how beautiful she was. Kiku concluded that it was a combination of the two. Damn, she looks so good right now. Ugh, what do I do? Do I continue like nothing is wrong? Like nothing has happened between us? What to do... Why is she even here? Is she by herself. Is someone else in the water with her? I don't think I could take that. God, you're a whipped bitch, you know that? Ahhhh.....

And then she sort of walked towards him. It looked almost as if it was happening in slow motion, as she slowly rose out of the water, stopping just around her waist area. Kiku had wondered if she was going to get out any further, but the fact that she stopped was proof enough for him that she was uncomfortable with him here. She hadn't forgiven him for what had happened so long ago. And why should she? She hadn't seen him in many months, he hadn't had a chance to explain. The wounds may have not healed, like they hadn't for Kiku. Tehodis, I wish I could get you to understand the truth about me.

She asked him what brought him to the beach, while she nervously run her wrist with her hand. Kiku honestly had no idea what to say. He couldn't tell her that he was looking for her, not after seeing how nervous she had become. He couldn't tell her that he had spent the last couple of months with only her on his mind, or how the last fifty seconds of his life had been the best seconds of the past couple months. He needed a lie, an excuse, an escape. "What am I doing at the beach?" He repeated, obviously nervous. He coughed suddenly, and then closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure. I'm Kikuriku Gouken! Not some whipped bitch! Relax. It's just a girl... calm down.

"Uh, hoenstly, it's just a beautiful beach. I figured I'd come out here, relax for a bit. I didn't expect to see you here. How're you? I haven't seen you in a while..." More like I haven't stopped thinking about you, and I haven't seen you in too long. he thought after the words he said left his lips. Kiku, still by Tehodis' clothes, looked down at her staff. "Um, do you want this to dry off and such, or are you okay just being wet?"

And sexy. And good looking. And wet.

At that exact moment, a cool breeze blew over the area, causing the loosened sand to blow in a small, harmless sand tornado, getting sand in Kiku's hair after he'd just gotten rid of it. The breeze wasn't overly cold, though he imagined it may be for Tehodis and her pale, wet body. Kiku, you need to calm down. This is the first time that you've seen her in how long? I don't think she would appreciate your reunion as much if you pop a stiffy right in front of her. Riku said condescendingly. Shit, you're right! Um, think un-sexy thoughts. Mine shafts, cold, dark alley's. Tristan Cowell naked with Ireneus. Oh, that worked.

I need a new body.

[Tehodis Kitai]

She wondered what was going through his mind. She wondered if he had thought about her over the last few months. She had. Well, of course she had. She had thought of all of her past – failed – relationships. Her many, many years with Tristan and how, as a girl, she had always seen their togetherness had made the world perfect, because they were perfect. Dameon had erased all thoughts of this when she thought that it wasn’t the money or the beautiful castle but it was the person and the respect they gave you. And then there was Kiku who showed her that, despite the ideal of Dameon and despite the unconditional love she got from Tristan, she didn’t truly know either of them. She never really knew Dameon, and she had forgotten everything she knew about Tristan. Kiku, however, had also showed her how important that trust she had in Tristan and Dameon was. How much it hurt to see that betrayal. And how much it must have hurt Tristan to sit there for years without the girl he believed he was supposed to marry. How much it must have hurt Dameon for her to ask him to marry her one day, and then drop him and the engagement the next to go off with some (very young) red-headed elf.

She had thought about Kiku a lot. Maybe it was because he was the last one before she made the switch to being independent. Maybe it was because all of her other relationships seemed to end with him. It was all Kiku, and her mind had run with thoughts of him every day she worked on her skills to get a job. Any time she transported herself to Eersaeb to see if she was yet brave enough to apply for the job she was working towards, he was on her mind. Why was she so obsessed with him? Did he feel the same way? He must not have. Why would he have done that… with her if he did?

He made comments on the beauty of the beach, and she nodded her agreement, not particularly fond of looking at him while she embarrassedly obsessed over him in her mind. “I’m alright,” She told him when he asked how she was, commenting on the length of time they hadn’t seen each other. He offered her the staff, apparently reading her mind and she smiled demurely with an added nod. “Yes, please.”

He handed her the staff and she immediately cast the spell on herself, stepping out of the water as she did so. When her thigh was half-way out of the water she paused briefly, hesitant to continue on when she recalled the length of her dress. Her leggings were on the beach, however, so she had to continue on. She took a quick breath and then continued on, moving quickly once the uncovered leg began showing. She got on the beach, casting a final drying spell on her legs as she knelt on the sand and grabbed up the leggings, having to pull them from being inside-out before she could even start putting them on. She fumbled however, nervous about the fact that Kiku was in her presence and she wasn’t even fully dressed.

Trying to divert the silence of her getting dressed to conversation, she smiled slightly and went about talking, “Uh, how are you, then? And how is… er, whatever her name was… From the ball?” Mentally, she had her fingers crossed for him saying that she died in a horrible accident or that she cheated on him. Both were terrible things to wish upon a person, but she could not think kindly of the girl and of the fact that Kiku had cheated on her like that.

(OOC: I hope you don’t mind that I assumed he would just go ahead and give her the staff. If you do mind, tell me and I’ll edit.)

[Kiku]

Alright, on the bright side, she didn't run away, Kiku thought to himself. It was one of the possibilities that he was rather scared would happen. There's nothing worse then having one of the hottest girls you know, run away from you, screaming, saying 'No Kiku, that's not supposed to go there!' and then going to the police and... Whoa. Reminiscing a little to hard there.

He gave Tehodis the staff, which she promptly used to dry herself off, which was a little disheartening, but expected. And then she came out of the water. Internally, he went ballistic, all while keeping a completely straight face on the outside. She had decided over the past few months that long dresses were completely unnecessary, and that showing off her legs was what she wanted to do, which Kiku believed was one of the best possible plans anyone could go for. Unless they were hideously fat, short dresses made a girl look even better than they usually are, especially when they let the dress hand just over the waistline, like Tehodis had done. It left so little to the imagination.

Kiku, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but Tehodis is hot! Why did you ever make her mad again? Riku, I'm not going to lie when I say I have no idea why she's mad. It's a woman thing. Or, it's an 'you're an idiot' type thing... Yeah, like I said. It's a woman thing[/i]. Tehodis made her way over to her leggings, which she then started ti put on, which was a bit of a let down, but the little show that Kiku got would be enough to satisfy him for many lonely nights ahead.

Tehodis then tried to break the silence. The silence of Kiku watching her dress, even though he was doing his best not to stare. Kiku had been looking off into the water, where Tehodis had just come from, internally cheering that he had finally found her after many months of searching. But then, she asked her question. It was almost as if she just jumped right into what had been keeping them apart for so long, but without directly stating that that was the reason. She asked about Cherry, albeit without mentioning her name, but she definitely asked about her. Asking how he and she were doing, as if they were a couple. Is that what she thinks? Kiku thought seriously.

Well, think about it. Tehodis obviously saw you with her so soon after she had let you sleep at her house, and let you kiss her. It was obviously a big deal to be able to kiss you so suddenly after knowing you, when she's a virgin and the thought of sex outside of marriage is such a negative thing with her... yet here you are, girl around your arm. It's a betrayal Kiku. Okay, okay, I think I get that, but I tried to explain, and she wouldn't listen. I tried to tell her everything but she just ran out on me. You know, for someone who knows so much about women, you know nothing about their feelings. Yeah thanks, ass.[/i]

"Fr-from the Ball?" Kiku responded nervously, ignoring her initial question of how he'd been doing. He didn't want to tel her that he'd been so lonely thinking about her for so long. It was quite obvious that she no longer felt the same way, because of Cherry at the ball. He'd tried to remember what he even did with her. I'm sure I didn't kiss her. Did she kiss me? I remember I twirled her in order to make Relos jealous. That was it, wasn't it? Kiku absentmindedly stroked his chin trying to remember.

"Oh, Cherry," he'd said, like he'd forgotten about her, "I'm not sure. I haven't seen her since that night. She's just an old friend." He could feel in his heart that this answer wouldn't satisfy her curiosity enough though, especially if she thought that they were going out. What else could he tell her? She died? Rotted away in a fire. Maybe if he told her a bit about her. "She, uh, she used to be a slave-maid thing for Tristan Cowell, and then she ran away, met me, I protected her, then didn't see her for a while. Then I had seen her at the ball, and asked how she'd been. There was never anything between us." He didn't know why he added that last part. It's not like she asked him if they were an item. Tehodis only asked how she was, not for her life story. And Kiku had forgotten that she was once engaged to Tristan, almost marrying him... would she want to hear that she was a slave of Tristans? Would she only think that Kiku was trying to win her good graces back?

"Tehodis, listen... I... I need to tell you something." What it was, he couldn't really formulate into words. He wanted to tell her how he felt. "I know, it's kind of sudden, especially since we haven't seen each other in so long... but..." He felt his heart nearly jump out of his chest, his throat close up and his legs get weak. Kiku sat down, and put his head in his hands. He couldn't tell her, he couldn't bring the words that he had said so many times, alone, thinking of her. He couldn't bring himself to say the one thing that would make all the months of searching worth while. "I... just think you're really beautiful."

He let out a little sigh under his hands, one that Tehodis may have heard, and she may not have. He felt pathetic, he felt like a loser, and like he was worthless. He had spent many months preparing for this exact moment, but when it came, he struck out, and couldn't speak the words he needed to.

I... love... you.

[Tehodis Kitai]

Realizing that all of her embarrassment over trying to put on her nylon leggings was for naught, she picked up her staff and summoned an illusory curtain that would display to Kiku (in a slightly more rippling image) her sitting trying to figure out which was was in and which was out as far as her bottom were concerned. Behind it, however, she was able to easily put on the sheer leggings and then sit back down, dissolving the curtain, before Kiku would manage to notice. Of course, when he saw the leggings on her before-bare legs, he might suspect something was up. Tehodis simply smiled modestly and slipped into her sandals, slowly beginning to do up the long line of laces that made the sandal reach up to her knee, only an inch below where the sheer blue bottoms ended.

Kiku sounded nervous at the question, which allowed a further smile to grow, as she looked away from the man in question. Despite the fact that she was partially still obsessed over him, she was still completely pissed at his interaction with the Lamini girl. She was happy to hear that the topic made him feel awkward, or at least made him feel horrible for what he had done. When he’d said her name, however, her smile quickly faded. That was the street-whore’s name, hm? Tehodis thought callously. It was not often that she thought so negatively about a single person, not even managing to bring up that much loathing for her brother or for Tristan of all people. But this Cherry girl… Tehodis supposed that she probably had the girl to thank for making her realize that she needed to stop chasing that idealistic happy ending. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to feel anything but hatred for the girl.

When Kiku went on to tell her that they were just friends; she messed up on the lace of her right sandal, having to start again. She took a short breath and then he continued talking, informing her that this Cherry used to work as a maid for Tristan. What next? She seethed, She was Dameon’s assistant in the Fianese Battalion? What if this girl had been the real reason for all of the ugly and tattered endings to all of her relationships? She was there for sure for two out of three – only Miynie would know for sure if she had been involved in the second of them.

Then Kiku told her how he’d just happened to run into her at the ball and asked how she was; that they were just old friends. Tehodis couldn’t help but scoff at that sentiment. Was that how he asked how people were all the time; Twirling them about and then wrapping their arms around them to whisper in their ear? That was not how it worked where she had come from. In her world, when you asked someone how they were you moved your mouth and made sounds. The movements he made were too romantic to have meant nothing, despite the fact that she wished they could.

She was distracted from her angry and hurt thoughts (she had tried for months to eliminate them, but she still found herself stuck in the old feelings again) by Kiku revealing more to her. When he started, he made it sound like the words he planned to mention were the three ones that could make or break a relationship so easily. Thinking he was going to try them on, she shook her head and began fervently, “No, no Kiku don’t say I-” And then he said that he just thought she was really beautiful, and she flushed. The flush was from her being a rather modest person by nature (her first instinct was to shake her head and tell him she wasn’t), but it was also from the fact that she had expected something different. Yes, she had begun saying that she didn’t want to hear them, but that was when she thought that those words were the ones he would say.

She sat there for a moment, vaguely stupefied as she finally finished tying up the length of the right sandal, sitting with one leg done up and the other mostly blank. Blank like her mind was at this point. She didn’t know what to say; even the words that should have come oh-so naturally (thank you, no I’m not, you’re not too bad yourself) none of them popped into her mind or flowed through her lips. After processing the words (and their difference from the three she had in fact been expecting) she frowned. She was beautiful. Alright. So what? Muttering, she spoke her reply, “And what else am I?”

[Kiku]

Kikuriku hated himself. He called her beautiful. Even though she was, very much so, it wasn't what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her he loved her; that she was the most important person to ever have been in his life, and how much he wants to be back with her in her house, and cuddle. Snuggling wasn't something Kiku did very often (it was usually just until a girl fell asleep so Kiku could leave and get on his way), but with Tehodis, it seemed like it would almost be as fun as the sex itself. Kiku wanted to tell her that he longed for her and that he missed her and how sorry he was, but he couldn't. He didn't know why, perhaps he was afraid of what she would say, and he didn't want to feel like his happiness was in someone else's hands... even though it already was.

It wasn't until after he had said she was beautiful and sighed in his hands that it registered that Tehodis had said something while he was talking. He heard her say 'don't say'. Don't say what? Had she figured out that that was what Kiku was going to say? Was she let down that he didn't say it, or was she somewhat relieved? Kiku's heart began pounding louder and harder than he had ever felt it pound in his entire life. He was scared, his palms were sweating profusely and his fingers wouldn't stop twitching. It was almost as uncomfortable as the silence that followed. Kiku wasn't looking at her, but he assumed that Tehodis just sat there a moment, almost dumbfounded at what he had said. Did Tehodis want Kiku to love her? Did she feel anything close to that? What did she want?

And then she spoke. The words we spoke were muttered out, almost disappointingly. What else was she? Kiku felt a sudden pain in his chest. A pain that could only be described as the truth battling to come out of his body. I want to tell you Tehodis, but I don't know what you'll say. Will you hate me? Will you tell me you love me? Do you even think of me still? Or am I just old news, and you've already moved on?

Alright Kiku, calm down, maybe you should just tell her what you feel. What's the worst that could happen, honestly?[/i] Riku said, almost consoling Kiku. You mean besides her saying that I'm a pathetic loser who would never amount to anything that she ever wanted? Oh, I don't know. Then why don't you just tell her a little bit, and see how she reacts? Don't go so overboard telling her 'Oh Tehodis, you're all I think about, from when I'm awake to when I'm wet dreaming, to when I'm alone in my room and I'm je- Ahem, you know, that's a good idea. I'll do something like that...

Even though he knew that all he wanted to do was tell her a little bit, not too much, he still didn't know what to say or what counted as 'too much'. Too much is probably telling her I love her... so I won't do that, he thought. "I-I... We-well, you're... You're a special person to me." Kiku managed to get out. As he said it, he almost felt the words leave his lips as if they were a weight, and now he was lighter. "Yo-you mean a lot to me and I kn-know that I don't like it when..." He stopped. She had every right to be mad, he couldn't tell her that he didn't like her when she's mad at him. It would start an argument. "... I make you mad. I lo-"

Whoa Kiku what the fuck! We said not too much![/i] Riku screamed in his mind, stopping Kiku in the nick of time. He almost said the words he just told himself he wasn't supposed to.

"I lo-loved the time we spent together..."

Nice save, dumbass[/i]

[Tehodis Kitai]

Tehodis was nervous, and uncomfortable, and feeling incredibly awkward. She tried to concentrate on the tying up of her second sandal, but found it incredibly difficult to focus on tying a bow ten times. Instead she pretended as though she was doing just that as she listened to the silence between them. She wondered if this was how it was all supposed to be. With Tristan, she felt as though she could speak easily with him. And with Dameon, she said whatever was on her mind, and her mind had always been full of things to say. With Kiku, however, she was at a complete loss for words. Was that how you were supposed to be? It seemed weird that when you liked someone this much, the words didn’t come easily; that the silences felt heavy and awkward.

Kiku finally started talking, breaking the silence and allowing Tehodis to realize that she had been holding her breath. How she had managed to go without noticing, she did not realize. All that she knew was the air refreshing her lungs did not manage to calm her as much as she would have hoped. Instead she felt a small tremor flow through her body, not being followed by anything more conspicuous, just a rush of nervousness. When he spoke, it appeared he was not feeling any less awkward or nervous than she. He spoke with hesitations making it seem like he had a stutter, he spoke with words he was not sure of, making them sound more like questions than answers.

“We hardly know each other, Kiku,” She finally said, managing to tie up the last lace on her high sandals as she stood. She looked at him with slightly concerned blue eyes as she picked up her other belongings and made them disappear into thin air. She sighed slightly before locking eyes with him, “Why are you acting like this?” She felt like she was asking herself the question.

“We’ve known each other for only a few months, and even within that we’ve not spent much time together at all. Yes, alright, we… kissed. Its not something I just do with anyone, especially not with any I haven’t known for very long. I didn’t kiss Tristan until sixteen years after knowing him, and Dameon only have a year and a half. You? It was less than a week. I don’t know why it happened, and I don’t know why I was so angry about you and that girl. Its not like we were together or anything. You and her probably know each other far more than I know you and you know me,” She had to convince herself. She had to eliminate these thoughts of Kiku she had because they were wrong. He may have tried to convince her otherwise, but she knew that it was all wrong.

“Look,” She continued, “You’re great and all, and I liked spending time with you too… But as friends.” She didn’t really want to be just friends, but she had made a vow – a New Year’s Resolution – to eliminate all romantic endeavours from her life. No romantic entanglements. Period. “So, you and me. Let’s be friends. We can… go out to… lunch. We can talk about our lives. We can help one another when we’re in trouble… We can be good friends. I’ve never had many of them” She nodded her head as if this showed she had conviction, "Sound good?"

[Kiku]

Kiku just stood there as he was hit with verbal daggers. It felt as if he was just stabbed all over his body with each word that Tehodis spoke. Everything she said, however much Kiku didn't want to hear them, was true. They hadn't known each other that long, and they already had done so much. Kiku barely knew anything about her, and she knew nothing about Kiku. She knew that he was a good kisser, but that's it. She didn't know much about Riku, or about his past, or about what he does or what he wants to be. Kiku didn't know what Tehodis loved. Loved about living, if she liked reading, if she liked the arts. They knew nothing about each other, and Kiku was expecting her to just come out and love him? Fool.

Even though he understood where she was coming from, and even though he agreed slightly with her, he didn't want to. He didn't want to say that just being friends was the right course of action, and deep down, he felt that Tehodis herself wasn't pleased with this result. Whether or not she wanted to bone Kiku was irrelevant, but Kiku didn't beleive that she never wanted to see him as a lover again. "You're right, I guess," he spoke, lifting his head from his hands. His eyes were looking out to the sea, taking in the scene. Kiku stood up, and dusted himself off, as it seemed like this owuld be the end of their conversation, even though he didn't want it to be. "We don't know very much about each other."

And then, Kiku realized something. Something he had not really realized before about Tehodis. Wow, she's always been in a relationship of some sort. She's never really been a single girl ou there... Whether or not this was a real realization, or this was just a defense mechanism that Kiku used in order to not feel so bad about being rejected, he wasn't sure. But he liked this thought better than he would never get with her.

"Actually, if you want to know why I'm acting like this, I'll tell you. The honest truth is that I thought you hated me, and that after these past few months that we haven't talked... I thought you never wanted to see me again. I've never had a girl in my life who truly meant something, and I didn't want to lose you over something stupid that I did." The words were flowing as Kiku thought them. So, this is what it means to speak from the heart... Weird. "And I agree that maybe we did move too fast. That was my fault, I didn't realize that your whole life, you've been either engaged, or with someone. Tristan for the longest time, and then Dameon, and then me for that short while. Even I think that you should be independent and live the single life for a while. But..." Kiku was not prepared to acquiesce to Tehodis leaving him forever. "... for now, I guess all we can be is good friends. It's no secret that I have feelings for you Tehodis, but I'd love to be your good friend. And if... when you're ready for a relationship or anything of the sort... I'd like to put my name in the hat for consideration." Kiku added the last part with a smile, to show that he was really okay with it, as long as she knew how he felt.

(Hat, consideration? Get it? Remember? Hat with names in it?)

[Tehodis Kitai]

Kiku conceded that she was right, and she finally felt some conviction flow into her mind. Yes, she was right. This was the right thing to do. She needed to drop all this relationship stuff, and go back to concentrating on getting that job at the Sumish Sea Peacekeepers. She didn’t have to think about Kiku in that way any more, because they had sealed off that envelope, and now it was safe to see him again. They were friends. Good friends. She smiled.

There, are you happy with me Deities? I kept my resolution even in the face of a really tempting temptation. I should get something extra special for that, don’t you think? She felt proud of herself, accomplished. It wasn’t often that she actually did something and saw it through to the end. But here she was, keeping her cool and coming up with words to explain how she felt that she didn’t know she had. She felt great about her. Like she could do anything. Next stop: SSPB Headquarters. Time to get a job.

She had not made the realization that he was talking, far too preoccupied in her own thoughts of success to completely pay attention. She jolted her mind back to where she was, however, and it didn’t take her far too long to click into what he was saying. Her heart immediately began fluttering and her stomach did somersaults as he spoke, charming her in ways that not many had been able to when she had dropped by bars or restaurants. Why was he doing this? He had agreed. They had come to a decision. Why was he starting this up? Making her want to change her mind. No. No Tehodis. Keep your cool. Breathe. One, two, three – out. Good. Stop thinking about what he’s saying. He must have agreed just to get in your good books, he’s still trying to be with you. You don’t want that… --- Oh but I do… --- Not if you want to keep your resolution, not if you want to go and get your job today. --- But what if-

Her extremely unusual self-conversing thoughts were interrupted when Kiku went on from his heart-melting bits about why she was so special. She realized that he did actually know something about her, and why she was saying no to him. “Oh Kiku,” she said when he had finally stopped, “Thank you for understanding. That does mean a lot to me.” Her smile was full of so much happiness, and as she thought of what would happen at the end of the year when her New Year’s Resolution would not actually be in play anymore… Her heart’s beating quickened and her stomach lifted up as if she were falling a hundred feet.

“Well… I’ll see you soon, alright? Send me a letter and we can get together or something,” She smiled her goodbye, about to turn away before pausing. She considered if what she was going to do would be inappropriate, but then she decided that she did the same thing with Arianna, and she had done the same thing with Endless before he had hurt her brother. Stepping closer and reaching out, she pulled him into a hug, her shortness forcing her to push her face against his chest like she seemed to have to do with almost everyone. She cursed her height as she slowly pulled away, smiling brightly. “I’ll see you soon.” And with that, she began her exit.

(OOC: )

[Kiku]

(I'm on school computers with terrible keyboards. If there's typos I miss, I'm so sorry.)

The words had never left Kiku's mouth so easily, yet they had never hurt so much. He basically told her that, although he was waiing for her, she could go out and do however she pleased without him. It was almost his turn to get jealous, like she had been at the ball, even though they weren't together. Kiku was basically saying to Tehodis that he wanted her to not be with him. Even though this was virtually the only course of action, that didn't make Kiku's pain any less than it was. And the pain was excruciating. The girl that he loved was about to go off to do who knows what with another man.

"Yeah, I will. And you better answer," Kiku responded as Tehodis departed from Kiku's presence. He wasn't sure what he would write in said letter, but he knew that if she wanted one, a letter is what he would give, and it would be the best letter possible.

When Tehodis was gone, both out of eyesight and earshot, Kiku fell to his knees, with his hands rubbing through his hair vigorously. "Ah, what the fuck was that!" He screamed to the sky. He didn't really care if anyone heard him, because the one person he wanted to be with had already left. Leaning back, Kiku stretched his arms out and let the waves cover him, and the recede back into the sea. That didn't go as well as I'd wanted, he thought to Riku, his other half. Well, look on the bright side, she's not completely against you two hooking up. You saw the smile on her face when you said that you would give her some single time. Yeah, but I was hoping she would say that she didn't want to be with anyone but me. Idiot. She just needs time to be with other people to realize that you're the best. What if she doesn't realize that? What if she finds out that I'm a fucking loser, and she would rather be with someone else, who wasn't a young elf? What the hell happened to the confident Kiku who used to bang chicks in waterfalls? You're pathetic. That's what she's done to me man... She's changed me. I don't think I'm interested in banging any chicks in waterfalls anymore. I just want to see her when she's smiling.[/i]

Kiku closed his eyes as more water washed over him. When the water returned to the sea, this time he kept his eyes closed. After the event that had just passed, he figured that a nap was in order. That, and Kiku found himself too lazy to get up and move. So slowly, he drifted off to sleep... thoughts of the beautiful blue maiden plaguing his mind and turning his once erotic dreams into dreams of a one woman relationship. Previously deemed "Nightmares".