In Need of a Subject [O]

[Violet Macar]

Violet was in a little bit of a pickle. It wasn’t that she was in trouble for her gossiping shenanigans or that she was worried about her life for any other reason – it was that she hadn’t heard any interesting gossip. An annoying block of the writer’s sort held fast in front of her creative mind, keeping her from coming up with any tantalizing tid-bits of information that she could use ruin someone’s life or – at least – offer some titillating bites to her readers to keep them sustained until the next issue. Alas, not a word came to her. Even with her notebook before her and her quill swirling about the paper as if it were a wand that could conjure words she could still not come up with a single letter.

It was times like these she wished that she were more lucky than skilled. Then she might just find that someone of interest would walk right by, stuck in some situation that would be horrifyingly destructive for the person’s reputation. Perhaps one of the senators in Liesdro or Dirys would meander on with a lovely new item – that isn’t their wife – in a compromising embrace. Or perhaps she would witness a crime committed by someone notable. Or if only her brain would actually allow her to think of these things, then she may have something to write up for the next Tablet.

That was the main issue here. The Tablet. Her deadline was fast coming and she still sat at her desk day-by-day and in taverns night-by-night working her shape-shifting butt off to try and come up with something to keep the big kahuna on cloud nine as far as her work was concerned and keeping herself with her perfect job. The job that didn’t seem all too perfect at this specific moment in time.

“Well, we’re certainly in quite the imbroglio now, hm my little darling?” She spoke boredly to her quill, not finding anything else to do so long as her brain was unwilling to allow her the creativity she often possessed, “No illuminatory epiphantoosles for me today... Do you think boss man will get all frosty on me?” She put down the quill onto her swirl-covered parchment and boredly ripped out the page, crumpling it and tossing it to... wherever it decided to go on the air in Rielcia. It truly didn't make much difference to her. The only thing she was trying to care about at this point was getting a good story to fill her page for the month... Which, thus far, was not turning out well.

[pi]

Pi skipped forward, not quite sure where ze was going, the picture of childlike delight. Ze had been dropped off in the middle of this shiny, wonderful country to see the world, and it was so pretty and the sky was so blue and there were so many trees! The only thing that was missing were all of the people. There were so many people everywhere in Artavia, and this place seemed to be deserted.

Then, Pi finally found the people ze was looking for. A woman sat, looking frustrated (oh dear, thought Pi, that's not good) in a strange leather coat. Pi was behind her, so it was hard to tell, but she seemed to be writing something. Ze was about to go ask what she was doing, but then heard the interesting woman say something.

"Well, we’re certainly in quite the imbroglio now, hm my little darling? No illuminatory epiphantoosles for me today... Do you think boss man will get all frosty on me?"

"Epi...epiphinan...Epipihantooslies!" cried Pi in delight, quite loudly. What an interesting word!

[Violet Macar]

“Actually its epiphantoosles,” She corrected absently, not even noticing that anyone was actually there. She still sat staring at a blank piece of parchment, twirling her quill. Then, finally, after a few more moments she turned about, her pile of parchment flipping onto the ground quickly followed by writing plume. She was on her knees, but after a few more seconds she was right upon her feet and shaking the hand of the girl vigorously. “Well hello there,” She spoke enthusiastically, quickly taking in who is was she was talking to and hoping that the boy (girl?) she saw before her would have something newsworthy. Or would at least inspire her.

She finally released her grip on the young… person’s hand and smiled charmingly as Violet fitted her hand at her own waist. “My nom is Iris, and your’s might be? What takerakes you roundabouting Rielcia?” Violet’s eyes were flashing brightly and her hair was on end at the promise of seeing someone here that may (or may not if her luck didn’t turn out) be able to provide her with something wonderfully interesting that she could write a whole story about. Who knows, maybe this was one of the rumoured Riol love children. Maybe this boy or girl (she would have to find it out) was the victim of some horrible disaster that was covered up extensively by the government. That could explain the odd appearance of the boy-girl. Whichever one it was, Violet liked to know her sources. As such she spoke again before the boy-girl had a chance to answer, “I sorrify if this sounds rude or way too forwardly tribulatious or whatever… But are you a dangler or a swinger? ...Sorrifiss, I mean a boy or a girl.”

[pi]

Pi smiled brightly as hir hand was shaken, shaking back with even greater intensity. What an interesting way to greet people! How strange! What fun! Ze had never been greeted this way before.

“My nom is Iris, and your’s might be? What takerakes you roundabouting Rielcia?”

Pi literally glowed with excitement that a Rielcia person was so interested in hir right away. Ze wondered if all Rielcia people were this funny, and if they all used such delightfully peculiar words. "Hee! Takerakes!" Pi giggled, before returning to the subject. "My name is Pi," Pi recited, remembering a lesson that hir caretaker had taught hir. "It is very nice to meet you, Iris." Pi broke hir practiced manner and continued excitedly, "I am in Rielcia because they left me here! The men in black suits that found me one day, they brought me here so that I could see things! In a big balloon!"

“I sorrify if this sounds rude or way too forwardly tribulatious or whatever… But are you a dangler or a swinger? ...Sorrifiss, I mean a boy or a girl.”

Pi replied, cheerfully, "No, I am not." Ze sat down, resting on the air as naturally as if there were an invisible chair there. "People ask me that question a lot."

[Violet Macar]

Either this boy-girl was wildly crazy, or a severely good source for actual news. Not just gossip, but news that her boss would put on the front page. She didn’t care for the stuff, but her interest was sparked by what the boy-girl had said. Men in black suits? Big balloon? If she wanted to do more research into it, this would be front-page hot off the presses and into the hands of customer stuff. She wouldn’t do that, however. She wanted gossip, not news. She could definitely be putting the blame on the government for this. The only question of course was, which one?

Before Violet (or ‘Iris’ as she had told the girl) could start asking where this boy-girl was from, they spoke up, answering her other question of gender. ‘No, I am not’. The thing had answered. Well, that was an answer she wasn’t expecting. What kind of person had no gender? She had seen people who were one gender but acted like the other, and ones that occasionally were both genders – but no gender? Interesting. Violet’s mind raced with what exactly would have caused that.

Maybe the girl, the boy – the… it! – was from Submiere where those odd mutations happened because of the spell, maybe the mutations took a whole new turn. Maybe the girl was handcrafted. An item turned into a person. Like… like a Hollow, only more gender-neutral and less smelly. The possibilities were enormous and Violet’s stomach filled with butterflies at the mere thought of what a huge success this story would make her. And by her she meant Daisy Wright.

All of these thoughts had raced through mer mind at a break-neck speed, not even leaving the slightest of a silence between the two before she went on – hardly noticing the fact that Pi was sitting on air (Violet had been born in this country, after all), “So these danglers… What placenstance did they takerakes you from?” Her made-up word in all technicality did not fit here, but the girl liked it, so she would use it to be more endearing, “Is it the same placenstance you were born?” Born… Was she even born? The thought of all the choices had Violet’s eyes sparkling happily and her stomach flopping over in utter happiness. Oh what fun. It looked as though she found her subject.

[pi]

“So these danglers… What placenstance did they takerakes you from?”

A normal human would be suspicious by now. Pi, though was not a normal human. As it was, ze was delighted at the new question. "I am from Artavia," Pi said cheerfully. "It is a very nice place to live, but it does not have very many trees, and it does not have many rainbows. The men in black suits said that now that I am 18, they would not be able to watch me anymore, and they took me here."

“Is it the same placenstance you were born?”

Pi loved this question. That most humanoids were "born", as far as ze was concerned, was what made hir special.

"Oh, I was not born," said Pi, hir eyes sparkling. "I was made. In a big la-labore-" Pi hated this word. "In a labburtory. The men in black suits found me in a big water thing."

Pi stood up, leaned in close to Iris, and pulled back some of the bandages on hir forearm to show a small scar. "When I was in the labburtory, they fed me here. With a needle," Pi stated dramatically. Ze back down, and wrapped hir arm again with the bandage.

"I don't usually show people that, but you're special because you're my first Rielcia person."

[Violet Macar]

Violet was getting more and more excited at each new step this conversation took. She wasn’t a voluptuary, but still her blood quickened in pace as she thought of how much this story would be worth. How good this story was. People were actually creating living beings. This was actual news. It wasn’t just the gossip column fantastic. This was stuff her coworkers would die for and she – Violet Macar, Daisy Wright – was the one who had come across it in the form of one of the creations. Obviously they weren’t doing too great a job, since it had no gender. Still the combination of a scientific experiment and men bringing the… person down to Rielcia because she was eighteen was tantalizing.

Violet feigned absolute honour in her eyes and face when Pi told her that she was only telling Violet because she was ‘her first Rielcia person’ and she nodded with a smile, “Well now I feel indispecial.” She kept the utter excitement and the happy dancing that she wanted to do inside while she simply smiled in silence, writing the story in her head while Pi told her things that would be important to coming up with a perfect bite of gossip. This would be her lead story for sure.

“So, Pi,” She began, thinking more and more about the fact the thing was from Artavia, where she in fact lived at this point, “Do you know roundabouties in Artavia this labburtory is?” She decided that using Pi’s own word would help in enticing an answer. Anyways, she was the boy-girl’s first Rielcia person. She ought to get more information. Who needs epiphantoosles when you’ve got a truth like this? She smiled encouragingly at Pi, but her mind ran with thoughts of how best to put this out in the open.

[pi]

Pi frowned, hir face quirking into an expression of puzzlement. Ze did not know in particular where hir labburtory was."I dunno where it is. I was sleeping when they took me to my new house, and the men never let me go look for my birth tank. It's far away though, in a part where nobody goes. I know that."

Then something occured to Pi, and ze gasped - what if this very important human, hir first Rielcia person ever, did not know where nobody went? That would be so terrible! Ze wouldn't know what Pi was saying!

"I will show you the parts of Artavia that are far away," Pi declared. With that, ze waved her hands, and a small floating model of Artavia appeared, with a soft popping sound and a shower of confetti. Hir nana had had one in the house, and Pi didn't suppose that she would mind if ze borrowed it for a bit. Ze ran her fingers over some spots, which began to glow.

"Nobody goes here, or here, or here...this is far away...this is in a weak spot, there is not a lot of air for breathing..." Pi pointed at different parts of the model, rattling off a list of restricted or dangerous areas. Ze hadn't had much to do some afternoons, shut in hir nana's house, and there had been some books about Artavia. Pi had memorized the restricted areas so that ze wouldn't get lost on walks...not that, with an escort, ze would anyway, but it was good to be prepared.

[Violet Macar]

Ohoho! This was pure gold. Behind her, Violet had charmed a quill into writing things down for her. A once-blank piece of parchment held a quill atop it that was scribbling furiously as both of them spoke. This was pure gold, and she could not believe that something like this had just wandered onto her path. What luck! Well, not luck. Obviously it was her skill as a journalist.

Pi went on, talking about a birth tank, and a place in Artavia that nobody really went. Oh dear this was priceless. Violet listened and feigned the appropriate expressions. Horror, interest, surprise. She did not have to fake these emotions for far too long, however. Pi declared that she would show Violet these places that nobody went to, and Violet was excited. Oh, an adventure! And she did really want to see the place. She wondered how far away it was from the office? She could go there and then get writing the article. Oh wonder of wonders!

Of course, that was not what happened. They did not go to Artavia, and the wave of Pi’s hand was not one that called on a teleportation spell. It conjured up a floating model, a diorama like that she saw people make when she was a kid. There was confetti and sparks and Violet giggled slightly. This was incredible. “Sparks, confetti, a floating model of all Artavia…” Violet described what she was seeing, filling her voice with a somewhat fake sense of awe. Her quill would need to capture this in case she forgot – then again, it was doubtful she would.

Pi ran her finger over some of the pieces of the model, and when they began to glow and the girl dictated that these were the places didn’t go, Violet reiterated. When she said it, however, she spoke also about the places close by. Landmarks that she knew. There was the little deli where she ate lunch every day until she had a fight with one of the waitresses. She could have easily gone back in some other form, but it took too much effort. Then there was a bar where she had gone countless times to get scandalous stories of celebrities and politicians. Hardly ever a dull moment. When she went on to the parts that were simply restricted for lack of breathable air, Violet resorted to a nodding of her head that she made look as though she was absolutely speechless. Now, which area would be the one to find this place? She didn’t need to find it necessarily, but it would be nice to get a few pictures to go along with her story.

“Wellee-elly there Pi,” She clicked her tongue and shook her head in mock disbelief, “That is one awemazing story there. I can let you in that I constabletely believe you… But I’m going to warn you… A lot of danglers and swingers won’t. Maybe we should just… Keep this con-fih-danty? Between us? Two new palerinas?”

[pi]

Palerinas! Pi was positively glowing. A <i>friend</i>! Ze hadn't had one of those in a while! And ze got to keep a secret, too...

Pi nodded, gravely. "It is a very big secret. I am not supposed to tell people about where I am from. It would not be good, I think, if somebody found out that I had told." Hir face fell. "The last time that I told somebody, everyone was very upset. The lady ran away, and she looked very upset, and I could not leave the house for a very long time, after that...a very long time..." Pi trailed off, looking at hir feet. Ze did not like thinking about this. Ze didn't understand why people left, when Pi told them that ze was not born. It was scary.

Then, hir face lit up once again, and she darted forward to grab Violet's hands and bend hir back slightly, looking up at the woman with a wide, innocent smile. "But we are...we are palerinas! I can trust you!"

It was so...so awemazing, having a friend!

[Violet Macar]

This was almost too easy. Really. This little boy/girl was so gullible it almost made it seem like Violet was taking advantage of it. She simply thought of it as a career opportunity. Imagine if she could break such a story like this to the world? She loved her gossip column dearly, it was her closest friend in the world... Still, she couldn't help but be excited by the idea that this was not just gossip (or it wouldn't be if she did a bit more research into it) this was news. Real news that could really ruin people. Who it would ruin, she didn't know yet. This was definitely one of those stories that she would keep under her hat until she came up with more information. Or made up more information.

Pi continued, going on about some lady that made Violet smile ever so slightly before letting a feigned look of horror colour her features. When Pi claimed that she could trust Violet (Iris, to Pi) the older woman nodded. "Of course you can... By the way," She gripped Pi's hands in return, urging confidence in her new source, "Who is this mean swinger, by that I mean lady, that went and maddashed away?" This could be golder than gold. Violet's heart was absolutely soaring.